13.11.2007, I received this email from someone who used to be very special to me.
Hey,
I am emailing because I don’t think what I have to say can be said in SMS, and I think you would rather reply me in email anyway.
Sigh, where to begin…
I guess the first thing I should say is that I am sorry. The fact that you started denying me as your ‘sister’ means that I probably upset you pretty bad. And no, you were not ‘used’ as my ‘cheesecake boy’. Our friendship meant more to me than that. Yes, I enjoyed having the sweet treats, the cheesecake, the muffins, the tiramisu, and more cheesecake, but what I enjoyed more was having you as a friend. Sure, we are still friends, but I do miss those times when things were so much easier between us. Not trying to imply anything here, I mean I am fine with leaving the past as the past, but I just want you to know that you meant much more to me than a ‘cheesecake boy’ okay?
In fact, I never wanted to mention this, but when you first told me you might change church, I almost cried. Of course it is up to you to believe it. Who knows? Maybe I have not only lost you as a ‘brother’, but also lost your trust. Well, I am telling you I almost cried. That was the time I realised how much we drifted. And I want to say this. I don’t care if I am replaced, I don’t care if you find your present ‘sister’ so much more ‘sisterly’ or so much better than me. I don’t care okay? Because that does not matter now. However, I do care that my friend has been hurt because he felt used by me, and to what you said about the ‘simple things’ that I won’t tell you but want to know yours. Well, I honestly cannot remember exactly what you were talking about, because it was kind of long ago (by the way, since it was so long ago, why only tell me about this ‘sister’ business now?) Whatever it was, I guess that part was my fault because fair’s fair, you tell me stuff, I tell you mine.
I guess I was feeling unstable at that moment. I don’t know. Come to think of it, I never told you much huh? I don’t tell others much too. You were actually one of those few who knew the most about me. Sigh. Well, maybe we both have different standards of trustingness and trustworth. Sorry if I am not hitting the point here. I mean, you know, maybe you are pissed off at some other thing. Whatever it is, I want to know what I can do to reconcile okay? Because really, believe it or not, I really never meant to hurt you and I still treasure you as a friend.
And no, in case you are wondering, this time, I am not trying to reconcile so I can ‘use’ you again as a ‘cheesecake boy’, windsurfing instructor or otherwise. Let us put it this way, even if you did not know how to bake, did not work at Rocky Master’s, did not sail, or were not a scout, I would still want to be your friend. It is not about what you have, what you do, or what we have in common, it is you, the person whom I chose to befriend. It is still up to you to believe whatever I say. In case you are suspecting or wondering, I am not trying to be your ‘sister’ again. You already said “you can never be my sister” means I had a chance and I blew it.
Well, like I said, I don’t care if you have replaced me. I mean yes, being your ‘sister’ means a lot, but that is not my point here. My point is, I just don’t want you to feel this way. I don’t want you to have the wrong idea about our friendship.
I got to go. Guides camp tomorrow to 16th. So yeah, don’t expect me to reply via email, online, phone, or SMS. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being the ‘brother’ that you were.
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